Sisters forever

When I read Maxie's blog, I got kind of touched since she picked a topic that is soo close to my heart and because of that I'm pretty sensitive about it. It's about sisters. Being sisters with someone is really hard, I'm not sure about having a brother though but I think since girls are more emotional then it's tougher to deal with having a sister.

Before, when I was younger, I hated having a sister because I had to do soo many things. It was always me who had to do work. Whenever my mom would ask her to do something, she'd ask me to do those things instead. With this, my mom got used to me being the one doing errands all the time.

Also, since my sister had a history of being "notorious" I had to be the older one who would watch on her and keep tabs to my mom. That was really tiring for a 13-year-old kid. I felt like I could not enjoy my life. I felt like I was doing things because my sister was there. More importantly, I thought that I was losing my friends because of the things that my sister was doing.

Many years after, things were not that hard on me anymore. I was able to live my life but of course still under the scrutiny of my parents. Due consider was given to my sister and a lot of comparisons were made. I could not live my life because there was always... "Your sister was never like that..."

As obedient as I am, I still felt that I was not good enough. She was also up there and I'm always just here. I always had the feeling that I will never be enough and that I will never live up to her.

Even the college that I had to go to, it was all because my sister was there. I really wanted to go to Ateneo and experience campus life but then since my sister was already in UA&P, and my dad was the one bringing us to school.

But at least, I did not take the same course. However, right now, I kind of still feel the same cause my mom would always say something nice about IMC and would kind of belittle IT.

What I truly, truly hate right now is that my mom keeps on insisting that I'm jealous of my sister. Because she was more popular, guys liked her more. I have to admit that in a way, I was, when I was little but when I realized that those were not the things that I liked, then I was not jealous anymore.

Up until now, she would say something really off about my relationship with my sister and it really hurts me because it's just a validation of the fact that she does not know who her daughters are.

*****

The Truth

So, what is the truth about my relationship with my sister? It's the fact that I love her soo much and that as much as possible I hope that she would come home and help me through everything. Yes, I do not agree with A LOT of what she did and said but I know that deep down inside she just said and did those because she was emotionally provoked.

I do not want my sister to come back so that I would be the angel of the family again. Of course not! I'm not that mean. I'm okay with still being the outcast of the family. Actually, right now, because of what's happening to me, the more I understand her (but it does not mean that I agree with her decision). Yes, I don't agree but I do respect her since I know that she also uses her head.

Our relationship will never be perfect. I don't think there's a perfect relationship in this world. But I know that past hurts that I felt will still always be there but that would not affect my relationship with my sister. One proof? No matter how many times she kind of betrayed me or got me in trouble with my parents, I still trust her. I still tell her things that I know if she would tell anyone would get me in trouble again.

But then, I still trust her. She's my sister. If I can't trust her, who else can I trust in this world?