i'm coming down with something

eversince the start of 2005, i've been nothing but stressed out. what a way to start the year huh? well, i know. but what can i do? that's what nature wants to happen. i'm not blaming anyway for all the misfortunes that are happening in my life. it's just that when i look back at the last sem of my life in UA&P, it'll all be bad memories. things that i really don't want to look back at. but, what can i do? life's really like that. all i can do right now is to accept the fact that things are not going my way and hope that all of these are just blessings in disguise.

january 2 was the day when my mama (maternal grandmother) died. that day, i woke up at 4am because i had to pee. lately, i've been the type of person who can't sleep when i wake up. 30 mins after, the phone rang. it was my tita arlene crying telling my mom that mama was already fighting for her life. we got up already and headed for the hospital. when i went inside the hospital room, a lot of interns were already there doing cpr but to no avail. the resucitation was going on for about 2 hours or so, when finally, one of those doctors said that it didn't look good because resucitation should only take place 30 mins and if the patient does not respond, then she won't respond any later.

having heard this, i gave up my hopes already. call me a quitter but i was thinking that it was better that way than having my mama suffer for the rest of the 6 mos that she was given to live. the hard part: seeing my mom and her siblings try to think of everything else that they could do to revive mama. i guess it's really hard for them to accept that the one person who nurtured and took care of them all this time was already gone. i, personally, don't want to think about the time when my mom would leave me. i guess it's going to be unbelievable.

right now, we think that everyone who is with us now will be with us forever. but no. there will be a point in time when they have to leave us and we have to fend for ourselves. in the same way, we, too will be leaving this world someday. bad thing is, we don't know when it'll be. so before we go, or before the people who are dear to us leaves, we have to make our marks already. we have to show them how much we love them and how much we appreciate their love and care.