Future Plans

Woohoo. After 3 looong days of training, I finally finished my ITIL training. ITIL is this certification thing in the best practices of training. I'm happy that it's over. It was kind of stressful. I felt like I was in school again but this time, I didn't know anyone. I had no teamate in the training which forced me to get to know people. Problem is, yeah, I know how they look like but I really don't know their name. So I'd be like... "Hey..." (shucks! I forgot their name...) Oh well, I guess that happens a lot.

Taking up ITIL I got to think about what I wanted to do in my life. In a way, yes, I do want to pursue my IT career. Yes, I do want to get certified in as much things that I can and in the hopes that one day, when I do retire, I'd teach in school (UA&P, hopefully...) I really want to go back to school and impart whatever I have learned in the industry. In a way, I think that when I was in college, I lacked professors who had contacts in the industry. They were really good professors though. The only thing is that they're young and right after studying, they decided to teach immediately.

I also wanted the same thing for me. I wanted to teach in school also that's why I was thinking about going back to masters. Speaking of masters, I also want get a masteral degree if I can. I'm just thinking of when I could get it. I'm soo swamped with things that I have to pay for and things to do that's why I don't think I'd ever really get the chance to take it.

I'm thinking if ever I do retire, would I still have time to go back to school? Or would I be too old then? Also, I'm thinking about priorities. What should I prioritize now? Building a life for the future or the future of my career? These are two different things - both for my development but which one should I deal with first? My life or my career? I hope I could do both though. Simultaneously I mean. But that would definitely tire me out.

Moving forward, I'm still having problems... I really should coin a term about it. It's not the relationship. It's outside of it. Weird. I just feel soo much pressure sometimes. I'd like to please both parties. Prove to them that everything is fine that they should be content. Also, I'd want to help him out without pushing him soo much. However, I feel like I have been pushing him soo much. That just really makes me sad.

I never imagined myself to be like this. I know I'm not like this. I wonder why I changed. If change is good then the feeling should be good. But I don't know why I feel soo awful about it.