Must do for the year

It's the second working day of the year and to be honest, I am in no mood whatsoever to work. I'm soo sluggish it's not even funny. Yes, yes, I know that I have to start working my ass off for this year since it's a new fiscal year but I just can't get myself to do that. Weird, I know. Maybe it's just that I am not THAT optismistic of this coming year. I'll just leave it to chance then. If it's a good year - great.If it's not then BOOHOO. What else is new?

I guess this cynical attitude of mine is deeply rooted from how 2006 began and ended. Yes, there were some great moments when you look at the start of the year, but throughout the year, everything seemed to be going down the drain. Quite a hassle if you ask me.

In a matter of 4 days, Bert and I will be celebrating our 1st year anniversary. I'm happy about it that we've been together this period of time and during the past year, I have learned soo many things - both good and bad. My eyes have opened to different things and it made me realize more things.

Good? In a way yes. In a way no. Sometimes, I get the feeling of just wanting to shut out everything and listen to the nothingness of life. I feel like I'm stuck between here and there and I really don't know where I stand. I want to get out but I know I can't. I'm not ready too. But sometimes, I feel like it's now or never.

Careerwise, yes, I think I am doing okay but I don't know if I'm happy. I could be happier. Or maybe I'm just clouded about the things that are going on behind the scenes. Here I am again. Smiling to the world but dying inside. That's how I feel every now and then. I want it to stop, I just don't know how.

I really am sounding like a depressed freak and I hate sounding like that. I'll really try my best to bury everything in the past and work at my goals one by one for this year. I'm hoping that if I focus hard enough on that, I'll forget all of the bad things that happened and be more optimistic. It's worth a shot, right?

So as for goals, here are the things that I want to achieve within 2007:1.) Get a TCE from a customer.- Yes, I do work very hard but I haven't received and good feedback or comment from anyone that I work for or with. I'm actually craving for that. I don't know how to do it. Maybe by working more? But I feel like I'm working my ass off already. Or maybe I just think that.

2.) Join an initiative.- I'm eyeing on joining the group who handles that Snacks N Learn talks every now and then. Aside from a cute guy who's in that organization, I'm really interested in this. (hehe...) I've already mentioned this to Tops in passing, I just don't know how to make it a reality.

3.) Go back to the healthier me.- Since I was 11, I had been going to the gym already. I just want to be back to the healthier person that I was. When I feel great about myself, I have more confidence to do a lot of things. I'm more active, alive and aware of the things that are going on around me. Also, my mind works faster when I'm okay physically.

4.) Go to the gym regularly- So far, so good. I've been going to the gym for the past two days to up my energy. Although my body is aching because I'm not used to it anymore, I'm hoping to get back to my old good habit.

5.) Diet- Hmmm... still hard to do. I've noticed that when my sister left the house, it all went haywire for me. My schedule got f*cked up. Our eating habits at home went crazy. I just wish to go back to that Saturday off day thing. I'm trying too but it's soo hard when they serve unhealthy food at home. I don't want to be a prima donna and ask the helpers serve something else for me.

6.) Help get Bert a new car- BTW, I did not make any comment to his xanga because I just don't know what to say. Yes, that car has done soo much things for us. Well, maybe more for her. But it has caused me a lot of stress and anxiety and sometimes I just think that I'm plainly unlucky. I really feel bad about it. Sometimes, I think, it's just not meant to be but I always, always brush it off my mind.- Also, I know that with the way that I'm trying to "help" Bert get a car, he's not too pleased with it but I just can't think of any other way because of that d*mned deadline which he wants to think that he made for himself but for me, it's our relationship on the line if there's none by that time.

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Yes, I know that my parents are completely impossible to him and to us but I don't know of any other way to go about it since I'm not ready to fight them off or to leave. Sometimes, I wish I were like my sister who could leave just like that. Or maybe, I should just leave the country and forget everything here in the Philippines. It has been very painful for me.

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7.) Save up for the future. - Inspite of spending a whole lot of money on the car and other payables, I still wish I could save up money to be able to buy my own place. I know that it's impossible but I have to start sooner if I want to leave earlier. I'm hoping that by 2010, I have more or less enough cash already and at the very latest 2019. I know that's faraway from now but I have to have some sort of deadline for myself.

8.) Learn how to drive alone. - This one I'm working on already now by setting up the carpool thing with my officemates. I will be the "driver" on wednesdays. Hopefully by March or May, I will be more confident to drive alone. Wait. No, I will be able to drive alone.

9.) Yoga- I have been telling myself that I need to relax and what better way can we do to relax - do yoga! :) I'm planning to get my own mat and all of the paraphernalias that I need even VCDs or DVDs that I can do at home.

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I really do hope that I can do all of these things this year. These are 9 things and I have 12 months. I can probably focus on one thing every month and ensure that I can get. I just really, really hope that I will. :)